Westbeginners
by Livi-Love
Summary: TMNT... soap opera style.


**T! M! N! T! Does not belong to me!**

**This is in response to a challenge made by M.D. Owen.**

* * *

April was wiping the bar with a piece of cloth when Raph walked into the pub. He sat in front of her and sighed. When she didn't respond, he coughed really loudly. April raised her eyes quickly. The budget for the show was awful so they couldn't retake, so she professionally swore loudly before continuing.

"Owaya, Raph. Waaat 'av yer been up ter?" asked April, her boobs jiggling in his face. "Ye still pisser wi' Mona?"

"I slapped 'er in the face and dumped 'er five minutes ago," replied Raph gruffly, untightening his tie. "Now gimme a beer, slag."

April poured some into a dusty glass and handed it to him. "Why ye chucker dat? You've been pisser for tree weeks."

'"I came 'ome early from work and I caught 'er makin' out wit' Leo on the couch I stole- I mean bought," he explained, gritting his teeth.

"Naw! But 'e's married ter Karai," said April, raising her pencil line eyebrows and placing her hands onto her cherry coloured lips.

Raph shook his head, his eyes full of angst. "Dey haven' been 'appy fer a long time. Leo's still pinin' after Lotus… even though she 'ad an affair with Saki, 'e still loves 'er and 'e never got to make things up with 'er 'cause 'un murdered 'er when she threatened to tell Angel about 'ow 'e 'ad sex with a prostitute… ya know, Renet."

"Is Aingayle gonna keep de sprog?" asked April curiously.

"She wants ta but she prob'ly won' be able ta when Casey finds out," said Raph. "'e treats 'er like a kid."

"She still is, really. Does Karai nu waaat Leo's up ter?"

"Nah. She's too busy. Now, ya didn't 'ear dis from me but she's been awfully close to Chaplin dese days. Chaplin's relationship with Stockman 'as been awfully rocky since dey found out Nala is Chaplin's sister."

"Ah Jaysus! But… but they went oyt for two months. Ew! That's nasty."

Raph nodded. "Yeah. So 'ow are thin's wit' Casey goin'?"

"We've been pisser for a year an' we're still 'eadin' strong," she announced.

"An entire year? Dat must be a world record or what." Raph wolf whistled. His phone rang and he answered it. "Yeah? Yeah? No. Mm. Won't anyone notice? It's a freakin' moose. Okay, whatever. See ya."

He hung up, chugged down the rest of his beer and made to leave. Unfortunately, Raph left his phone behind so April picked it up. She was about to give it to him when she caught sight of the text she had accidently opened.

the guns in da back of my van. have fun killin casey. memba we split profits 50:50 im distractin april atm.

"Yer current bun av a wagon!" she shrieked. April slapped him.

TMNTNMT

Mikey opened his eyes. He was tied to a chair and he was wearing a blindfold. His head hurt too. It took him a moment to remember what had happened to make him end up in such a predicament. I'm going to assume you know how so I won't insert a flashback as the adverts start in like two minutes.

"Michelangelo," whispered a menacing voice. Out of the shadows came Shredder. "Rememba da agreement we had? Yous iz gona pay me bak by Monday. Is it coz I is black?"

"It is Monody." Mikey sniggered.

"LAST MONDAY!" Shredder screamed. He pointed at him. "I'm knackered hof waitin. I'm gonna beat da moolar hout hof yous like a pistachio."

"Don't yaouw mane a piñata?"

Shredder got out a gun and rested it against Mikey's temple. The turtle gulped, trembling as he gazed at the weapon out of the corner of his eyes. "I said dat, moron!"

"But… 'ow?" spluttered Mikey. "'ow did yous trick me into drink'n dat spiked bevvy?

"I tricked yous…"

Out of another shadowy corner emerged Shredder #2. He stood next to Shredder #1. They both laughed evilly at the same time.

"Shredder #2?" exclaimed Mikey. "I thought yaouw loved me?"

Shredder #2 smirked. "Afta I found hout dat shredda #1 wuz me bruva, I decided to join 'im an' Shredda #3."

Shredder #3, who was eating some peanuts in the corner, waved.

In a dangerous voice, Mikey growled, "Untie me arm fer a jiffy."

As Shredder #2 felt slightly sorry for him, he did so. Mikey slapped him.

TMNTNMT

Casey walked down the path with Sydney hanging onto his arm. They were both in disguise in case April left the pub she worked at or Bishop decided to look out of his window and consequently catch his fiancée with another man.

Again.

"Are you sure this is wise?" asked Sydney, adjusting her fake moustache. "These disguises aren't very good."

"O' course they are," snorted Casey, the wind playing with his poofy pink dress. "If ah dint kna betta, ah 'ood think theur wor someone else! Besides, dooant theur want wee ta spen' tahhm togetha? Ah thowt theur loved meh!"

"I do," Sydney assured him, but this… dun dun dun… wasn't true. She was simply going out with him to get back at Don, who she thought was having an affair with Mona. In reality, Mona was simply helping Don get over the death of Leatherhead, who wasn't really dead but had run away with Venus after making her pregnant while Slash was on a business trip in Italy.

Shadow, who was the daughter of Casey and the late Gabrielle (she moved away after Casey became a drunkard after losing his job because he stole some money. Then she got slapped and died of blood loss), ran up to Casey. "Ah want an ice-cream, theur neya gran' bum!"

"Whit?" Casey gasped. "Ye want scran again? Geez, ye ask fur furd everyday. Okay, let's gang tae 'at white van an' gie some."

The three of them approached a white van that was parked outside of April's pub, which was called "April's Pub". Even though it had no markings on it and wasn't playing any irritating music, they got their cash filled wallets out and approached it. I mean, if they didn't then it would be boring.

"Oi, gezz tois ay th' most expensife ice-creams ye hae an' th' cheapest fur mah dochter," sneered Casey, banging on the window.

The tinted window of the van slowly lowered and Casey widened his eyes. "Irma?"

Irma shot him in the heart with a machine gun just as April ran outside. She dropped to her knees, sobbing and clutching Casey's hand.

"I… love… ye…" said Casey.

"Oi love yer too," said April.

When he died, April got to her feet and slapped Irma in the face.

TMNTNMT

Leo walked into the apartment he shared with his father. The lights turned on suddenly and Splinter was standing right in front of him, frowning.

"What tyme do ya page dis here?" asked Splinter.

"Well I say - one was somewhere," said Leo, trying to get past him. Splinter refused to relent and blocked his way.

"You wuz meant ta be back at eight! Tell me da truth... where wuz ya? Otay buh-weet."

"Butchah, one is knackered and one is not a child anymore. It's none of your business now move out of one's way! Heavens above! How smashing!" said Leo, tossing his head in random directions.

Splinter lost his temper. Leo had been coming back late for weeks now and it was driving him mad. Splinter had raised him and this was how Leo paid him back? Well, he was sure his son wouldn't be laughing when he found out he was adopted. Splinter slapped him. Leo stumbled backwards, out of their apartment, around a corner; he opened a door, stumbled some more before falling down the stairs and seemingly dying.

Karai suddenly entered the scene. She had been about to tell Leo that she was pregnant with Tatsu's child but then she saw Leo seemingly dead. Then Karai fell in love with Leo again and became depressed. Splinter came along.

"Oops. In the hood," declared Splinter.

Karai slapped him.


End file.
